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Mare: Kindred of the Coldest Step Written and Created by Vember Judgement Issue 1: Dream Eater… This version was later updated and submitted to Marvel a few years back. It was rejected... (Pages 1-8 take place inside the residence of Devon-James and his mother Alice, which is at the edge of Hollow Pointe, a small town in Upstate NY. ) Pg1 Panel 1: A grand opening shot of the slightly dilapidated Patsy Residence from the perspective of someone looking on across the street. It’s a quaint little home, save for the neglected, banged-up gutters and a missing roof tile or two. All the lights of the house are on, save for the porch. The moon above the home is crescent to the point of a new moon. There is a caption box at the upper-left hand corner of the panel. Caption Box: Exactly one month earlier. Panel 2 : A full-room shot of Devon-James sitting on the edge of a old wicker chair in his very messy room. The whole area is seemingly buried under books, folders and loose papers. He is holding up two items in his hands, which he stares at determinedly. In his right hand is the very old, leather-bound Mare Tome. In his left hand, the ancient-looking Mare Shears, which are glowing ever so slightly. Panel 3: A close-up shot of the shears and tome in his hands, from his perspective. Their Mare Shears has very intricate glyphs and designs all around it. In basic block lettering on the tome, it reads: Mares and Their Indentured Servants By Lumen Khail Pg2 Panel 1: An upper bodied shot of Devon-James holding the shears closer to his face, as they are glowing brighter. Devon-James: Guess this means they’re drawing closer to the house… Devon-James: I just hope you’re as effective as the book says you are. Panel 2: Scene changes to the living room, where we have a shot of Alice Patsy’s tarot card table, which is encircled with lit black candles. A pack of tarot cards are strewn about on the table very messily. There are also other lit candles on two tables opposite the window seen in the background. The window is draped in red velvet, as the table is as well. Main focus of the panel is some droplets of blood dripping down from above. Panel 3: A profile shot of Alice Patsy, her eyes glazed and rolled back in her head, a trickle of blood running down her mouth. Around her throat is the large, near transparent hands of Spirit Daniel, who is choking the life out of her. The roof of the livingroom is just above her head. Panel 4: A close-up shot of Alice’s ear, as Mee is whispering into it. All that can be seen of Mee though is the lower half of her face. Mee: Heehee…Bet you never saw this in the cards. Mee: It’s what you get for trying to spoil my fun. Alice: Ahhh… Panel 5: A half-bodied shot of Devon-James about to walk into the room, still staring at the glowing Mare Shears, the tome still in his other hand. Devon-James: Momma, we need to get prepared. The mare and her ghost are getting closer and- Panel 6: A facial shot of Devon-James, looking both shocked and angered, his mouth hung slack and his brow lowered. Devon-James: Momma! Pg3 Splash Page. A full-bodied shot of Spirit Daniel and Mee floating mid-air over the tarot card table. Daniel is hoisting up Alice by her throat, as Mee is grabbing her shoulders behind her. Mee and Daniel is looking right at the reader, who is watching from Devon-James perspective. A caption box at the lower left-hand corner reads: Mare: Kindred of the Coldest Step Illustrated by ? Written and Created by Vember Judgement Pg4 Panel 1: A full-bodied profile shot of Mee floating in mid-air, sitting with her legs crossed as if she were in a chair. She has her hands on her knees all ‘dainty-like’, as her tail is up and to the left. Her head is slightly cocked to the right. Mee: Devon-James, my favorite piece of meat… Mee: I hope you don’t mind that we played with your mommy before playing with you first. Panel 2: An upper bodied shot of Spirit Daniel just having let go of Alice, who is in mid-fall. He is looking over at Devon-James off-panel, smiling sadistically. Panel 3: A shot of Alice’s corpse just hitting the table left-side first, candles and tarot cards flying in different directions upon impact. Mee (Off-Panel): The old girl wasn’t very lively, barely able to lift one finger to save herself. Mee: It’s too bad, I hate to see people die so pathetically. Panel 4: A shot of Devon-James in the process of running to the table, as a few of the candles have been knocked over and is setting fire to the velvet covering. Some of Alice’s clothing has also caught fire. Devon-James: No! Panel 5: A upper-bodied shot of Spirit Daniel with both hands raised, in the process of making an upward motion. Mee is right next to him, holding her mouth to trap a giggle. Mee: Heehee! Spirit Daniel: Burn! Pg5 Panel 1: A grand shot of the table exploding in flames, Devon-James holding his arms over his face to protect himself. Panel 2: A shot of Mee suddenly looking very surprised. Spirit Daniel is attempting to float forward, but Mee has grabbed on to one of his dreadlocks. Spirit Daniel: Now I’m gonna rip his heart out and burn it too… Mee: Wait! Panel 3: A close shot of the shears and tome in his hands, as he is still covering up. 3) Mee: Those can’t be what I think… Panel 4: A shot of Mee screaming into Devon-James’s face, reaching for his throat. He looks on screaming back, still holding the shears forward and sucking in Daniel’s energy. The flames of the fire flicker off of his face. Mee: Where did you get that!? Who gave it to you!? Devon-James: It was in an unmarked box that was left on the porch this morning! It came with a book that detailed everything about what you mare demons are! I read every word, and I know you can be stopped! Panel 3: A shot of Mee flying past Spirit Daniel, grabbing some of his dreadlocks to make him follow. Daniel looks to be in great pain. Mee: Let’s go! Spirit Daniel: But Mee- Mee: That weapon of his can hurt you, come on! Panel 4: A shot of Devon-James in the process of running forward. The table and floor around it is burning up in the background. Devon-James: Get back here, I’m not done with you! Panel 5: A profile shot of Mee and Spirit Daniel phasing backward into the front door. Mee is smiling and pointing a finger at Devon-James off panel. Mee: Don’t think just because you have those items that you’re completely protected! Mee: No matter what, I’ll see you bleeding! Pg6 Panel 1: A facial shot of Devon-James screaming to the top of his lungs, the rage on his face very evident. Devon-James: I swear to God I’m gonna kill you, dream demon! Panel 2: An outside shot of Devon-James busting open the front door, just having tackled through it. It’s been ripped from it’s hinges. Panel 3: A half-page shot of Devon-James looking up into the air, as Mee and Spirit Daniel are halfway vanished into the night. The crescent moon can be seen through their bodies. Mee: I never thought I’d go this far with you, I really didn’t! All you had to do is stay weak so Daniel and I could finish you off tonight! Mee: But no! SOMEBODY had to help you, SOMEBODY had to give you those marehunting tools! It won’t matter, the person who left those for you is gonna get his real soon! Panel 4: A facial shot of Mee and Spirit Daniel’s face, only all that can be seen are the outlines of their face and their eyes can be seen. Mee: After we’re done killing you and your other friends off, your old pal Bianca is next! I promised Daniel here he could get revenge for killing him, and I’m a mare of my word! Mee: Don’t sleep too deeply now… Pg7 Panel 1: A shot of Devon-James looking stunned, after hearing Bianca’s name mentioned. Devon-James: Bianca? Bianca…Santiago? Devon-James: The Hell she have to do with any of this? Panel 2: A full-bodied shot of Devon-James with his head down in defeat, as fire rages out of his front door in the background. Pg8 (Scene now shifts to Donna Valen’s run-down 1980s model station wagon, which she likes to call ‘The Chariot’) Panel 1: A shot of the Chariot rumbling fast on a freeway heading to Hollow Pointe. There is a caption box at the upper-left hand corner of the panel. Caption Box: Present Time. Panel 2: A great upper bodied shot of Bianca Santiago, just having woken up suddenly in her car seat. Seat pours down her face and has dampened her hospital frock. Her eyes are wide and wild, making her look very psychotic. Her upper left arms is heavily bandaged and soaked in blood. Panel 3: A forward shot of Donna Valens driving, looking over at Bianca with a weird look on her face. Donna: Damn, Bianca. Ya must’ve had a real fucked up dream, huh? You was mumbling a whole buncha mierda* in yo sleep. Donna: Thought I heard you say ‘Papi’ or someth’n before you woke up. Panel 4: A shot of Bianca holding onto the middle of her chest while panting, staring at her bleeding bandage. Bianca: …I…I had a nightmare, Donna...Don’t like nightmares...] *Mierda is Spanish for ‘Shit’. -VJ Pg9 Panel 1: A shot of Bianca poking at her wound, her face twisted in pain. Panel 2: A shot of Donna swatting Bianca’s hand away from her wound. Donna: The fuck!? Stop doing that! Bianca: But it hurts...Why didn't they fix me... Damn, you’re naïve. You shoot yo fuck’n self in the arm and you expect to heal overnight? Panel 3: A great facial shot of Donna looking ahead at the road. She looks remorsefully pissed. Donna: Look…I know you all screwed up because of what happened to you back in the day, but yo ass gotta chill when yo with me, aw-ight? Panel 4: A shot of Bianca shriveling up in her chair in submission. Bianca: Yes sir... Panel 5: A facial shot of Donna looking over at Bianca with a ‘Damn, this girl is fucked up’ kind of expression. Pg10 Panel 1: A quick shot of a large green highway sign. It reads ‘Hollow Point 10 miles’. Panel 2: A shot of Bianca looking at herself in the reflection while rhyming. She acts as if she were a child, bright eyed and sadly happy. Bianca: Mommy liked my hands so soft, she went and cut my fingers off. She let them rot under her bed, except for two she painted red... Panel 3: A shot of Donna banging her left hand on the steering wheel in frustration. Donna: I’m tired of hear’n you sing all retarded! Go back to sleep! Bianca (off panel): The nightmare scared me, I can’t… Panel 4: A quick hand shot of Donna angrily reaching over to open the glove compartment. Bianca sadly hangs her head down, moving her feet to let Donna get to the glove compartment. Panel 5: A shot inside the compartment. A big huge bag of Heroin and Weed take up a good portion of it. There are also pills sloppily scattered here and there. Donna is taking a large black one. Pg11 Panel 1: A shot of Bianca looking down at Donna’s hand, as she is offered the pill. Bianca looks on in fear. Donna: Down it. It’ll knock you the fuck out. High quality shit Richie Bro created. You remember Richie Bro, right? Bianca: Um...‘Don’t do drugs’. That’s what the cartoons say. Donna: Fuck the cartoons! Just down it so you can sleep. Panel 2: A quick shot of Bianca hesitantly placing the pill on her tongue, looking to her right at Donna off panel. Panel 3: A shot of Donna handing Bianca a water bottle as she struggles to swallow the pill. Donna: It don’t last too long, but it’s better than any ruffie on the market. We’ll be up at Hollow Pointe by the time you wake up. Panel 4: A shot of Bianca’s eyes dilated and half shut. The pill is already taking affect. Bianca: Can’t wait… Pg12 (The next few pages are dream / nightmare sequences, representing a quasi-factual account of what Bianca has been going through in the last 24hrs. Pages 12 - 17 take place at Bianca’s run down apartment in the Bronx. Page 18-19 takes place inside Bianca’s Hospital room. These panels should be in sepia tone, with 3 primary colors for distinct features. Red for lips, Black for hair, and Blue for eyes. Maybe as an added effect, these pages could be drawn on cardboard. Panel 1: A grand shot of Bianca sprawled out on the couch, the robe she's wearing barely covering her up. She’s watching the very close television with a blank, wide-eyed look on her face. The light of the TV shines over her, illuminating an otherwise dim room. In her left hand, which is hanging limply over the armrest, is the TV remote. Resting on the couch next to her in her other hand is a very large black gun with a silencer on it. TV: The strange deaths occurring in Hollow Pointe continue, as another murder brings fear and concern to this small upstate community. TV: I'm Bill Chads. Panel 2: A shot of the television, as the Channel 67 News comes on An upper bodied shot of Mr. Chads at his news desk, holding a piece of paper with both hands. There is a small news window next to him depicting a shadowed dead body, with the words 'murder' over it. Bill Chads: In breaking news just in to News 67, the body of a young woman was found dead in her home just a few hours ago. She was apparently found in her bedroom unclothed and bloodied, with apparent signs of severe sexual trauma. Bill Chads: Police refused to comment on the cause of death or give out the victim’s name due to her age. She is the fourth woman in as many months die under these circumstances. Panel 3: A scene depicting news footage of the cops bringing out the body bagged corpse of the current victim. Bill Chads: Although there are no leads or evidence suggesting otherwise, the recent murders being linked to a serial killer or killers have not been ruled out by officials. Panel 4: A shot of Olando Santiago walking in the room. He’s smiling, but a weary forced smile. He's wearing nothing but tight-fitting blue jeans. He's rubbing the water out of his hair, just having a bath. Olando: Hey pobrecita…What’chu watch’n? Pg13 Panel 1: An over the shoulder shot of Olando peering over Bianca's shoulder. He notices what she is watching, having just snatched the remote from her. Olando: Ah! That’s the old town you were liv’n with them bastard foster parents, right? Olando: Damn, you should be glad I saved you from that shithole. You’d be dad otherwise. Panel 2: A quick shot of him holding the TV remote, pressing the 'off' button. 3) Olando: Too much TV is bad for you, niña…Time to do something more constructive. Panel 3: A detailed shot of Bianca kneeling over the couch and pointing her gun at her father's left temple. She still has her blank, teary expression. Her father stands still, with a somewhat bored expression. Bianca: Turn it back on...I want to watch cartoons now. Panel 4: A shot of Olando brushing the gun aside with his right hand, tossing the remote over his shoulder with his left. Olando: I told you stop pointing that shit at me... Even if you did have it loaded, we both know you’d never fire it. Not at me at least. Panel 5: Quick shot of the remote hitting the dirty floor by Olando’s bare feet. Pg14 Panel 1: A facial shot of Bianca laying her head on the armrest, crying. Olando’s hands is seen reaching for her shoulders. Olando: You gotta understand that I’m getting a little too stressed over the way you’re acting lately. I’m gonna need you to…You know. Olando: Help me feel better. Bianca: But I wanna watch cartoons now… Panel 2: A violent shot of Olando grabbing Bianca by the hair. He is screaming down at her full-blast. Olando: Don’t you EVER say no to me! Olando: Don’t ever be disrespectful to your papi! Panel 3: A violent shot of Olando dragging Bianca by the hair, taking her to his bedroom. Olando: You do as I say, when I say it, how I say it! Olando: You hear me!? Bianca: Papi, that hurts! Stop it! Panel 4: A shot just outside the bedroom, as Olando is about to close the door behind him. Panel 5: A quick shot of an digital alarm clock. It reads '7: 04 AM'. Bianca’s gun is placed in front of it. Pg15 Panel 1: A cinematic upper bodied overhead shot of Bianca lying down on Olando’s king-sized bed bed, looking up at the ceiling with teary, spaced out eyes. She lays naked underneath a thin sheet, which is completely damp with sweat. Bianca: Fly away, fly away, Little monkey fly away… Panel 2: A shot of Olando putting on a white ‘fast food-style’ t-shirt. He has a 'Kool-Aid' smile on his face. Visible on his shirt is a large nametag reading ‘Olando’ Olando: You be good now while papi works, okay. Olando: I’ll bring home some fried mozzarella cheese sticks and a double cheeseburger for dinner. Panel 3: A shot of Bianca sitting up, just having wrapped the sheet around her body. Bianca: Yum… Panel 4: A shot of Bianca noticing her gun on the nightstand next to the bed. The clock reads ‘7:43 AM’. Panel 5: A shot of Bianca reaching over and grabbing the gun. Pg16 Panel 1: A shot of Bianca pointing the gun below her chin, as Olando looks over angrily. Olando: The Fuck you do’n now!? Bianca: I wanna kill myself now. I gave you so much, can I do it now, please? Olando: With what!? Didn’t I just say earlier to stop playing with that!? Bianca: I’m not playing anymore. I found where you put the bullets, papi… Bianca: It’s been loaded for days. Olando: What!? Panel 2: A frontal shot of Bianca smiling sickly, tilting her back more. Her eyes are narrow in pain, as she has pressed the silencer nozzle harder under her chin. Olando is in the background, about to jump forward. Bianca: I’ve been dreaming of this moment for a long time… Bianca: No more pain… Bianca: No more hurting… Bianca: Gonna fly away for good now. Olando: Don’t you even dare!!! Panel 3: A shot of Olando pulling the gun down from Bianca’s chin, just having jumped forward onto the bed to stop her suicide. The gun is now pointed at her left arm. Olando: You belong to me! Not the Devil, Not God, ME!!! Panel 4: A shot of Bianca’s finger on the trigger. She has just fired the gun. Panel 5: A quick panoramic shot of some blood splattering in the air. Pg17 (The Hospital Room) Panel 1: Next scene is of Bianca laying on a hospital bed, tied and retrained it and covered to her stomach by a blue hospital sheet. A bandage covers her fresh gunshot wound. She is just staring up at the ceiling, completely zones out. Donna’s shadow looms over her. Bianca: Lala sings and Lala dies and Lala goes to Hell… Donna: Yo, what up? Been a long time, girl. Too long. Bianca: Who’s there? Panel 2: A shot of Donna standing over Bianca, who is trying to sit up in her bed but can’t due to the restraints. Donna looks at Bianca very angrily, holding a gun in her right hand. Bianca looks out of her mind and insane. Bianca: It’s Donna…You’re all grown now… Bianca: Are you here to take the pain away like I tried? Donna: Hell no! I'm taking ya back to the old hood wit me, whether you like it or not! Bianca: But why? I don’t want to go back there…That’s where the pain began… Panel 3: A shot of Donna trying to unfasten her left arm restraint while Bianca is trying to leaning away. Donna: Now let’s try to get outta here before the hospital even knows I’m here…Ain’t in the mood to shoot my fuck’n away outta here. Bianca: No, I don’t wanna go back there! NO! Donna: Keep yo voice down, damn it! Bianca: Leave me alone! I don’t wanna go back! Panel 4: A sudden shot of a clawed hand grabbing the side of Bianca’s face. Bianca is in total shock at what she is looking at. The hand belongs to Mee. Pg18 Panel 1: A warped shot of a distorted, monstrous Mee towering over Bianca, smiling wickedly while grabbing Bianca’s face. She cocks her head to the left playfully, while her tail is wrapped around her waist. Her mouth is open, showing off her fangs. Mee: I have some bad news for you, little girlie! Mee: Not only are you back, but you’ll be dead really soon!!! Panel 2: A shot of Bianca’s head being brought up into Mee’s huge mouth. Bianca is screaming in horror. Mee: Oh yeah, almost forgot. Daniel says ‘hi’! (Back to Reality) Panel 3: A shot through the windshield of Bianca waking up in her seat again, leaning back and grabbing at her face in terror. The car is stationary now, both the passenger and driver side doors open. A shadowy image of Mee can be seen ever so slightly right next to her, smiling and about to float away. Bianca: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Pg19 Panel 1: A panoramic shot of Donna, Richie Valens, and Devon-James handing out underneath a highway overpass. They are all looking in Bianca’s direction off-panel, just having heard her scream. Panel 2: A profile shot of Bianca standing in front of the open passenger door seat, holding her fists to her chin in fear. Devon-James is just a few feet away from her, his arms crossed. Donna and Richie stand behind him as back up. Bianca: D-Devon-James…And Richie? Devon-James: Good that you remember us after ten years…Seems like another lifetime ago… Bianca: Why did Donna kidnap me? What did I do wrong? Devon-James: It’s kind of…complicated. Richie: Word! Panel 3: Upper-bodied side shot of Bianca looking away as Devon-James explains the situation. Cars race by (blur effect) in the background as they speak. Devon-James: Look, this is gonna be kind of hard to explain, so pay attention. Bianca: Okay… Devon-James: Did you hear about the murders happening in Hollow Point recently? Bianca: Heard it on the news, yeah… Devon-James: Well, one night a month ago, my momma and I were having a séance to find out who killed the very first victim. She was a fortune teller if your forgot… (The next few panels are from Devon-James memories) Panel 4: A shot from Devon-James’s memory. It shows Alice Patsy sitting at her Tarot Card table, staring up at the ghost of Mee and Spirit Daniel’s first victim, a 13yr old girl. Devon-James is right behind her, just having taken a step back from what he was seeing. Devon-James Caption: Barely a few minutes into it, the ghost of that victim showed up right before our eyes. Though momma and I had always had the ability to contact the dead before, it was the first time we ever had a physical visit of one. That was the night we were told of the dream demons…The night we gained the sight to see nightmares… Pg20 Panel 1: A shot of the ghost motioning behind herself, as several mares are looking on in the background, very angered that they are been seen. Devon-James Caption: Although the ghost really didn’t know much about them, she said that the mares were creatures that feed off our bad dreams. She said that there were all kinds, from floating horse heads to more evolved demonic beings. The ghost said that they were the true dominant beings on this planet, even though most people couldn’t see them. Panel 2: A shot of one mare in particular, who was screaming in Devon-James and Alice’s face. They look on totally freaked, eyes wide and mouths hung open. Devon-James Caption: In fact, the only people who can learn to see these creatures are those who have a connection to the spirit world, and for some reason…severely abused children. Though we couldn’t really understand why abused kids could learn to see them, but I think it’s because the trauma that cause their bad dreams are the mares favorite food. Panel 3: A shot of Donna, Richie and Devon-James and little Jenni Ling Hiung hanging out on a street corner, watching various mares float by. Some of them whisper to each other in an angry way. Devon-James Caption: Anyway, with this new ability, I was able to teach Donna and Richie how to see them, considering with their past abuse by their parents. Of course you know all about that…There was even this little Goth girl we got friendly with named Jenni who we taught to see. Together, we decided to learn as much about the mares as possible, and stop the one killing the girls in the neighborhood. We basically became marehunters… Pg21 Panel 1: A great angled shot of Devon-James, Donna and Richie threateningly surround Bianca, who's still holding her hands up to her chin in fear. Devon-James: Are you following everything I’ve been saying, Bianca? Bianca: I…I don’t believe in monsters and ghosts… Devon-James: Well unfortunately, these things are real! Devon-James: One of them is involved in murdering girls in town, and you might have something to do with it! Bianca: How!? What did I do!? Panel 2: A shot of Devon-James getting in Bianca's face, Donna and Richie backing him up. Devon-James: A month ago my mother was murdered by the ghost that mare is helping kill! They burned my fucking house down and has been trying to kill all of us since! Devon-James: She said the ghosts name was Daniel, and that she was gonna help him get revenge against the person who offed him! Your name was mentioned! We’ve been trying to find you since! Bianca: D…Daniel? Devon-James: Yeah, Daniel!? Who the Hell is he to you anyway!? Panel 3: A ¾ shot of Bianca looking on with a childish ‘I didn’t do it’ kind of look on her face. Her eyes are teary. She has brought up her fist over her mouth in terror. Bianca: Daniel... Panel 4: A sudden shot of Bianca pushing through everyone, 'escaping'. Everyone is shocked at her sudden action. Bianca: You’re all crazy! I didn’t do anything to anybody… Bianca: Demons and Ghosts aren’t real! Pg22 Panel 1: A grand shot of Donna, Richie and Devon-James looking on, as Bianca runs off into the night. Richie is about to chase after Bianca, only Donna holds his left arm to hold him back. Richie: Yo, shouldn’t we be stop’n her? Devon-James: Remember, she wasn't exactly in a good state of mind before being brought here in the first place. Let what I told her sink in, then maybe we can get the info we need later on. Donna: Ain't like she can go nowhere anyways, bro. We'll tail her with the car. Bianca: No, no, I didn’t, no! Panel 2, Final Panel of Issue 1: A full-bodied frontal shot of Bianca running, a mist of darkness all around her. She’s crying, looking ‘dreadfully affright’, holding her hands over her ears and screaming. In the background is a facial shot of both Mee and Daniel. Both have murderous desire in their eyes. Devon-James Caption: Her reaction is obvious proof she knows something. I just hope we did the right thing in bringing her back to town, considering what happened to her when she was last here... End of Issue One |